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at the time, i was in california, rolling down to one of the deepest points of despair in my life. anything earthly would not help me, so i was trying to hold on to the unreachable. i d dreamt of going to cuba with no money, no spanish and starting over there, stripped of what i can survive without. (that perhaps being the closest to 'the real'. ) i dreamt of slowly disappearing on a map, around southeastasia. i dreamt of 'saving burma'. i dreamt of going back to Turkey to the core of my troubles and settling there.

then still down, with bitterness of what i had gone through but at a more stable mood, i dreamt of being a housemaid in yllw tlp's apartment, with no obsessive aims; i was exactly wanting to be the housemaid, a mute housemaid perhaps. i thought of myself living in a paperbox at a corner that i recalled from one of the posted photos . i wasnt dreaming any dialouge, any interaction, i was thinking of the situation as having been internalized (by default). it was (/is) in a way similar to what old time 'murids' did. not in the same scales perhaps (,thinking of my side). it is funny now, while telling this, though it is not (any of these; ) funny, sad or seriously thought!:) by itself (without telling it).