loga

I carry the lagging dirty ghost of denial, i dont deny, i am just haunted by this ghost. I feel powerful enough to be that evil sometimes but i am usually/always afraid of realizing 'how they would feel', oneday. It comes in the form of horror stories; in the form of divine punishment (not at afterlife but) within the lifetime.


Firm enough to be yourself in any environment; it turned out not to be that easy, for me. I could have done it though, if i had been able to close down to my world, totally. With people you know already, you cant just close all doors, you have got to leave some open, to communicate with those 'friends'. That's no good for staying firm. If you are not yet fully grown, it will spoil you, dirty water flooding in, bringing the germs, from those opennings.


At the moment, wondering about "what i am" is useless, i should deal with "what to do (next)". Doing is a way of being, not being (is a way of being).

Besides, as technical advise, i have to keep in mind that reality is about now, and it does not tell about future as much as it claims to do, it is the dreams which are about future and unfortunately they do not tell much about the reality. So got to catch a good blend; that is what i missed; i stepped down big heights, from dreams
to harsh reality.

finally; i started to see some beauty (good) in repetition.

organization: bitter, medium, hopeful