yine

sayiklar gibi yine yazdiklarim... 'weaked' . maybe i was overexcited by feeling connected to my past again. (smiling by myself to myself) good feelings karmasanin ortasindan.

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walking the euclid street back home, my barber next to a tobacco store, where does the wind go in... in the still display window, the curtain swings gently, everything else stays still.

oh your face is ugly (my past), but does it matter, how can i not love you, you are the mother of now, my now.

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(note to self) if you think you're good you will be, if you think you are not , you won't, make that clear to yourself.

- i was asking to myself, will my soul running through so many soul splitters merge again, it seems like it has merged, slightly worrying if all the pieces are there yet, like soldiers checking if they have been shot after a run between shelters.

- a word came to my mind and i felt a stong need of writing it, with a pressure on my nerves, not a word that can have any significance, i feel relieved after writing it. is this the road to graphomania? i felt it today for the first time, it didnt repeat - not worrying about it, but it was interesting.

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last two evenings, since the snow started to melt, something feels so different, cant tell why, oldum de yeniden mi dirildim?, i go out and i am there, everything is same and full.. i m there where i stood waiting the lights to cross the street in anytown in the world, any "semt" in Turkiye, on a "aksamustu", at any day of the year, any number of years to now; bundan bir ay, bir yil, bes yil, ya da bir omur once. i m there standing. waiting for the lights. as the night falls;


from last night:
meger (mutlu) olmek icin yetermis bu. i dropped on the ground, no one could catch me, i dropped dead, waiting for the lights. it turned green, no one passed. and an ambulance flew into sky...

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tree (bir yildiz bin yildiz)

if there is a tree of life, its fruits should be stories. (bir elma bin elma). if anyone asks me whom/what i d like to be from/in that movie, i ll say i d like to be the man who watches that movie.

bullet path scream of self-success