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yapip bozmak, hatta bozup birakmak galiba hic dokunmamaktan daha iyi cogu (/?her) zaman.
(ama) donup bakinca beyazligi/yalinligi sinir bozucu da olabiliyor olsa da israr mi etmeli. ne tarafa bakmali kendini bulmak icin; geriye mi ileriye mi. gozu kapayip mi devam etmeli. nereye dusuyor bunca laf arasinda sessizlik: altina dusen golgesi mi herseyin, ustte kalan yoklugu mu. iyilik icin iyi hissetmek, iyi hissetmek icin iyiyim demek lazimsa...



like this, i can stay alive as long as the music goes on, but when it stops i freeze. and there is a day between two movies always. shooting through all, do i succeed anything ? now the bullet has some grey, some blue, some blood some tissue. a bullet.. hits who? goes where.

writing after a long time, from the tiny hole you opened on your shell to leak it out, comes in the worries as you type, as fast as you type. like writing the first poem of a language.

i ve been afraid of writing for so many reasons, wanted to avoid the temporary reliefs it brings but should it really be avoided... what's permanent anyway. and maybe not like this often more, but in one way or the other, i should write, i feel. stepping into stream of words, is good, therefore.