extra-1

it s raining outside, almost 10 pm, tonite, i am depriving myself of chocolate and soda. i only got water. i feel lonely, and without a direction. sliding (on a board without going too far and around the same spots, stuck ) -with inertia. and i am a bit in love and a bit obsessed with that teacher.
i know it s not her, that hurts. it just shows me that my feet are tied when i decide to move. i dont fall, i sit back as soon as i realize. i feel like no one's left arround me. even my parents seem to be existing only at the abstract (that's not so bad though).i may suck this air, and call it breathing but i will choke if i get more confused coz it is no more intuitive. i am counting inside to catch the life's rhtym, not to fall. nothing annoys me since i dettached myself, temporarily perhaps. infact i got detached slowly and suddenly, and not intentionally. i am here under almost perfect conditions, and i feel like i have no dreams besides having/feeling no responsibilities. i am at a state where i d not bother to walk out till i get the first kick perhaps. an inner kick or and outsider, n o matter. Or till i get hooked up with some feeling. something "nakushii".

before tonite, i ve seen how i float through the ink (rivers cutting through the real-dry-thing) only. i dont walk on drylands, and i call this existence, and i call this movement; moving on, and i call this happiness and myself a happy one ? is it? one should walk on the real-dry-lands, with burning feet and should learn to smile like that ((maybe)) , "should"? so dont be a fish, or be a fish and learn to fly to fly all the time. ((((coz fish cant walk.)))) dreaming fish, stupids go to hell,
so stupid - i am being.